I Didn’t Feel Like a Human: Brittney Griner Tells NPR about Detention in Russia WBNba Basketball
Griner: Definitely when I got put in the county cell and I had literally nothing – no toothbrush, no soap, no necessities. Nothing. I literally had two shirts, sweats and a hoodie. My shoes are on my feet. I had to take a shirt and rip it up into different pieces to clean myself. It was the dirtiest thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I did not feel like a human at that point. Everything was starting on the unknown. I didn’t know anything at that point. Like, it was very early on. And I just sat there and thought about ending it – just came up with a plan on how I could do it. “What is my mom gonna say?”, after a couple of days, and just thinking about it. What is my dad, my brother, my sister, my wife…” I couldn’t do that to them. I’m locked up abroad. I can’t add more stress to them.
Juana Summers: That was the start of a story for you that you detail in this book. Can you give an account of the conditions and situations you faced during your trial and labor camp for the first time in this part of your story?
Source: ‘I did not feel like a human’: Brittney Griner tells NPR about detention in Russia
Coming Home: Britney Griner’s Journey Through Thin Liquid Bottles and the Growing Pain of a Basketball Player in a Drug Deal
She’s called Britney Griner. It was like a time when people talk about a crash, and then you see your life flash. [before your eyes], or it’s just like the breath is completely took out of your lungs. That’s the exact feeling. And I literally started contemplating everything that could go wrong.
When she was first detained, she talked about what went through her mind, and the conversation goes on to discuss her experience.
In her memoir, Coming Home, which was just written, she described being mentally and physically humiliated by guards, being squeezed into cramped beds and cages and having her hair cut because it was so cold.
Between her pre-trial detention and sentence, she ended up being held for 10 months before a prisoner swap with a notorious Russian arms dealer secured her freedom.
Though Griner had a prescription for medical marijuana to ease the chronic pain of basketball injuries, she was detained at the airport and eventually sentenced to nine years in prison. She was released as a part of a prisoner swap after spending nearly 300 days in Russia.
She toldNPR that she did not feel like a human at that point. “I just sat there and thought about ending it – just came up with a plan on how I could do it.”
If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 9-8-8, or the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.
What do you think about women’s basketball and what do they tell us about their sport? ‘I did not feel like a human’: Brittney Griner tells NPR about detention in Russia
Summers: You write about your time in Russian detention and prison. But you also talked so much about the ways in which you had already been denied certain privileges and freedoms because of your appearance, because you’re a Black queer woman. I can’t help but see parallels between those two situations.
The other side of discrimination against being part of theLGBT community and being a Black athlete is that I need to shut up, I just need to be grateful. We have a pay discrepancy between the men’s and women’s league and that was the reason I came to Russia to try and fix it.
I want to know about the pay gap. We are in this moment where we’re celebrating women’s sports, of women’s basketball because of the superstars who were drafted recently, and yet, this pay gap that you’ve discussed. How do you arrange those things? How are you feeling about your sport, and how does this make you feel?
I’m sure I’m feeling hopeful for sure. I think the ratings show that people are watching the women’s game. We’ve come a long way. And we’re starting to get into those rooms and being able to advocate for ourselves. It’s going to keep getting better with the ones coming up like Caitlyn Clark or Angel Reese. We’re going to keep pushing the envelope.
Source: ‘I did not feel like a human’: Brittney Griner tells NPR about detention in Russia
The First Time you and Cherelle Saw each other on the Tarmac in San Antonio: How Did You Lose Your Family? A Memories about Paul Whelan
In the book, there is a moment you write about, and I’m hoping that you can tell us about it. It’s when you and your wife Cherelle were reunited on the tarmac in San Antonio, after you spent 293 days separated from one another. What was that like?
Griner: Breathtaking. It just reminded me of the first time I ever saw her on campus. I didn’t think I would see her again in a while. I had a good feeling that I would see my person in nine years. When I saw her through the window, I immediately broke down. I couldn’t get off the plane in time. I’ll never forget that. It was just hugging, hugging, hugging and just holding each other crying.
Summers: After what you’ve been through, how do you cope when you hear people suggest that you don’t deserve to be home with your wife, with your family, to be back with your teammates?
The person said it hurts. It definitely hurts. I mean, I’m human, so it hurts a little bit. But at the end of the day, everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. I don’t want it to affect me. But I will say this, if it was up to me, and it was in my hands, everybody that was in Russia would have come back. And I remember getting on that plane when I did get the chance to come back, and I was really hopeful that Paul was on that plane with me.
Summers: You’re talking about Paul Whelan, who’s among the other Americans who have not been able to return home yet. During the course of the book, you wrote about the guilt that you felt and the fact that you were away from your family months under the circumstances that you have been telling us about. And you also wrote about how, despite getting forgiveness from your family, from your wife, it was hard to let go of that guilt. How did you get to a place where you felt able to let that go and to forgive yourself, if you have?
Griner: A lot of counseling. It’s just therapy and talking. It was the hardest thing to do, because everybody told me to give myself grace. Because at the end of the day, my dad taught me that you just take ownership for things that you’ve done, like willingly and unwillingly. So I had to take responsibility. It’s really hard. I think at times I still feel like I’m guilty, because I robbed my family time with me and now I feel like I haven’t forgiven myself. You know, I robbed my wife of those special moments graduating and just being there for her. That’s probably my last healing piece that I will hopefully get to eventually.
Source: ‘I did not feel like a human’: Brittney Griner tells NPR about detention in Russia
When did Brittney Griner get stuck in Moscow? — How she dreamed about her time in Russia and being reunited with her family
Summers: Last year, you said that you would not play overseas again, unless you were representing the United States and the Olympics. The Paris Games are not too far away. Do you believe that is going to happen for you?
The return back to overseas is going to be an amazing experience, because my country came to my rescue, so I hope that is the case. I wouldn’t be here without my country. It will mean a lot to stand on that podium and watch the flag rise if we are able to win another gold medal.
Since her release from a Russian penal colony, basketball player and gold medal winner at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics, Brittney Griner, has had recurring nightmare in which she’s back in Russia and has trouble with her paperwork.
In her dream she said that when she went to the Russian embassy to get help, she was stuck in a cell and there was no sign that she would come back. So it’s just right back into the place where I spent most of the time.”
Griner, who is six feet, nine inches, says she felt like a zoo animal when she was in prison. “The guards would literally come open up the little peep hole, look in, and then I would hear them laughing, walking down the hallway,” she says.
In prison, Griner watched Russian propaganda on television that linked President Biden to the Nazi party, and brushed her teeth with toothpaste that had expired in 2007. “We would put [the toothpaste] on the mold on the walls because it would help kill the mold growing on the walls,” she says.
She is working on her second season since returning to her team, the Phenix Mercury. She wrote a memoir about her imprisonment and life in basketball.
“Coming Home” After Almost 300 Days in a Russian Prison: [Brittney Griner Reflects on ‘Coming home’ after nearly 300 days]
There was just so many signs of don’t go. But … I grew up on the morals of you finish what you start. And I never want to leave my teammates in a bad position. We were getting ready to win the Euroleague and the Russian League. I wanted to finish it out and then end it.
I’ve made this trip multiple times in a season. We come back two or three times within one season, [I’ve] been there eight years. I’ve never seen that much security. It was very random. And everybody that was getting pulled to the side looked either American or, you know, non-Russian. All of the Russians were walking through the middle and not being checked.
[Getting detained was] life changing. It was a moment when I was so worried about not seeing my family and being dragged through the media, everyone putting their opinion on me and the fact that there were so many people out there who didn’t know anything about me.
Source: Brittney Griner reflects on ‘Coming Home’ after nearly 300 days in a Russian prison
“Coming home” after nearly 300 days of a Russian prison: Britney Griner Reflects on “Comcoming Home” After Nearly 300 days
There are two toilets and a shower for 50-plus women. There’s not hot water. I had a ladle and bucket. In order for the kettle to work, you would warm up the water in the sink and put it in the bucket. You take the bucket and the ladle into the shower. You squat down in the shower and you just scoop and pour. In order to take a shower, you have to queue up with other women waiting in the bathroom area, so you have about five minutes to take a shower.
I had girls who would come up to me in school and say, “Oh, she’s not a girl.” She’s a man. Listen to what she has to say. How big is she? So just dealing with that in isolation. All of this is before sports. Before I became the cool athlete, I was the weirdo and the one that was just so different.
Source: Brittney Griner reflects on ‘Coming Home’ after nearly 300 days in a Russian prison
‘Coming Home’ After Nearly 300 Days in a Russian Prison: Britney Griner Reflects on “Coming home” after nearly 300 days
[In prison] … I was a part of that spectacle again. I was in isolation when I first went to the cell and had bad thoughts of my life being over. When I come out, who will be alive? Is my parents still there? Will my wife and I make it out of prison together? All these bad thoughts started coming in, and it just felt like it would be better if I wasn’t here, maybe.
We have to learn how to be together, but then also have time to heal away from each other too, a little bit. Some of the things that we loved doing before changed. I used to love being in the house all day and the room … all day watching TV, watching shows. I was in the detain center and the only thing I could do for the whole day was sit on my bed. So, I couldn’t do it anymore like that. … We keep the house cold. I hate being cold now. I was angry and just off. It was realized that I was put back in that cell because I was cold. It was just like small things. and we made the right corrections.
Source: Brittney Griner reflects on ‘Coming Home’ after nearly 300 days in a Russian prison
Measuring the Cosmic “Gamma” ’94: A Reflection of Sam Briger and Thea Chaloner
If I would have waited longer to get back into it, I think it would have been even that much harder. Honestly, I knew I needed to start getting in shape if I was going to have a return back to the game. I knew I couldn’t wait anymore. And I credit my team and believing in me, and they did everything that they could to help me get back on that court. I was happy I did it. I definitely feel 100% like my old self now.
Sam Briger and Thea Chaloner produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Meghan Sullivan adapted it for the web.